Why is it that you do all the shopping, then all the planning, all the cooking, and then all the cleaning for a meal that seems to take less than 30 minutes to eat?? So much work goes into Thanksgiving and it seems as if you blink it's gone. I guess this is just something we will never understand.
After Thanksgiving comes "Black Friday". Why in the world do people get up in the middle of the night to go shopping for holiday bargains?? I ask myself this question each year that I'm standing in line at the crack of dawn waiting for a store to open freezing my ass off!! LOL Yep, this year was no different, well it was a little different - we were in line at 3am instead of 5am. After shopping each year I say the same thing, "there is no way in hell I'm doing this again". When will I ever listen to myself.
The last couple of days have been strange for me...not only because my mom is not here but because I've been feeling like a terrible stepmom. Matthew's been with us since Thursday morning (730am). I'm trying sooooo hard to be patient with him, but it's not working. Everything he does seems to get on my last nerve. He's acting they way he did when he lived with us and it's bugging the hell out of me. He's suppose to be staying with us until Sunday but I really want to take him back to his group home in the morning. I know if I tell Frank this it will hurt his feelings and I don't want to do that....so again, I will put my feelings aside and just grin and bear it. I'm to the point that I don't even want him to come visit for five days (FIVE LONG DAYS) for Christmas....I sound like a horrible person don't I...I hate myself for feeling this way but I can't change the way I feel, I can only hide it.
Then Sunday we are meeting Jeff and Alison for lunch. Alison, who I used to talk to each and every day, has decided that I'm a bad parent because I couldn't handle my stepson. Sure, she works with special needs kids (3-6 year old) and thinks she knows what we went through, but she has no clue. She wasn't there when Matthew would say he hated me and didn't want me to have anything to do with me, she wasn't there when Matthew looked me in the eyes and said I was NOT his mother, she was not there when Matthew said he was sorry he ever came to live with us, she was not there the night that I collapsed with chest pains because of the hurt I was feeling. She only saw the Matthew that was the perfect kid when he would go and spend the day or weekend with her. She was not there to see the tears that rolled down my face everyday for over two years, she wasn't there as I had to sit through therapy sessions with Matthew saying how unhappy he was with everything, she wasn't the one that took so many days off from work to take Matthew to his doctor appointments and then to have him not appreciate me using my own personal vacation time for him, not me and Frank, but for him. Sure I didn't give birth to him, but I've given him more attention, support, and love than is biological mother ever did, yet Alison tends to forget that. How, please tell me how am I suppose to sit through a lunch, with a smile on my face acting like nothing is wrong....I'm a good actress but I don't think I'm that good. No one will ever understand what I've given to my stepsons and the hurt I feel because they never appreciated anything I did. How hard is it to say "thank you" to someone, how hard is it to say "I appreciate you doing this for me", how hard is it to be respectful???
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